Highway 51
by Shalimar The Geek
Summary: A team of,well, people goes into the woods between two tiny towns to search for a strange anomaly: the place where Legolas goes when he is written out in a mushy fanfic. Strangely funny...Ch5 up, Return Of The Bloodsucking Pink Thing...AAAAAH!!!!
1. What The Insanity Is About

Highway Fifty-One  
  
Prologue  
  
We've all seen those "Legolas mysteriously falls onto Earth" fics, right? Well, sometimes authors don't finish their fics, riiiiiight? Are you getting my drift? No? Well, then have you ever wondered what happens to Legolas as he is wandering through the streets of New York, or Boston, or Tokyo, or something? If the author leaves off in the middle of the story, and Legolas never gets home. Does everything just fizzle off into nothingness? I think you're beginning to understand. Well, we've done some research on the subject and have discovered that he does not fizzle off into nothingness. He is also not doomed to be glomped by fangirls for all eternity as a hellish punishment. Au contraire, my dear readers. Every time he lands in New York, or Tokyo, or whatever, all he has to do is wait twenty-four hours, and if the fic's getting nowhere, he is automatically transported-somewhere. Somewhere in the deepest darkest regions of North America. No, idiots, not Canada- Area 51. Or, to be more precise, Highway 51. While researching this phenomenon, I had to look this up and find out where exactly Hwy. 51 is. On a map, it passes from Mississippi north to Tennessee, and through a number of small towns outside of Memphis, including the birthplace of Justin Timberlake. Ironic, no? Anyway, this is a nice little highway like any other nice little highway, road rage, screwed-up lights, and all. It is here that Legolas is dropped. Surprisingly, he has no memory of ever being there, which makes it even more eerie. Though many people have spotted him. And several hunters have shot at him. No, he has not been hit by a car or killed, as of yet. (Or has he? Ever wonder what's in those McNuggets you're eating?) So, please prepare to go on an enlightening documentary-ish journey through the Highway Fifty One Stakeout. We decided to take our camera crews and drive the whole of Highway 51 to see if we could spot this rare phenomenon. He is most commonly seen at night, in the vicinity of the Millington to Covington Tennessee areas. Having never been to either of these places, we got lost a few times, but eventually found where we were supposed to be staking out. We split up into three cars (or rather, two trucks and a hummer with floodlights, in case he should run across the road and we could blind him and shoot him with darts) and three groups of three, each patrolling a section of the highway. We also sported a team of 22 local hunters, who offered kindly to search the woods along the highway in eleven groups of two, armed, of course, with tranquilizer darts (hey, they were on sale, and I couldn't resist). So buckle your seatbelts and prepare to find out what roams Hwy. 51 at night. 


	2. Chapter 1: In Which We Begin Our Search,...

Chapter 1: In Which We Begin Our Search  
  
To preserve the FF.net standards, we've decided to pick teams from Fanfictionland. Therefore, each group will consist of two fanfic stars and one author. And we needed to make sure that the fanfic stars were of sound mind and body and could pose as an advantage to our search. So, Pokemon characters were pretty much ruled out. And Star Wars was in. Hey, they've got pilots, gunnners, Jedi, all that good stuff. And someone suggested we recruit some Sailor Moon sailor scouts, which was NOT my idea, but..hey, why not? Here's our 8:00-9:00 accounts. Each vehicle was equipped with a camera mounted on the dashboard, so as not to miss a thing..  
  
Group 1: Kenobi, Jamie, Sailor Mercury- Dodge Ram with 4-wheel drive  
  
Obi-Wan was driving, because Mercury wasn't old enough and Jamie has a tendency to run into trees, of which there were many around the highway. They were closest to the tiny town of Millington, where they had picked up KFC (A/N: I have no idea if there is actually a KFC in Millington. I just looked on a road map, okay?). Mercury was supposed to be navigating, but she was reading a book instead. Leaving Jamie as the navigator AND the gunner in the front seat. Kenobi was trying to act cool.  
  
J: *pointing into a bush * LOOK! WHAT WAS THAT!?  
  
M: Oh, shut up. You can't fool me any more. Slow down, Obi-Wan. Chill.  
  
J: Well, YOU'RE supposed to be navigating. Don't know why I'm sitting in your seat...  
  
O: Okay, okay, you two, cool it. This is gonna be a looooooong trip..  
  
J & M: SHUT UP, KENOBI!  
  
J: *attempts to crawl through the window into the bed of the truck *  
  
M: AUGH! GET your BUTT out of my FACE!  
  
O: *muttering * I am going to have to tape Mercury's mouth shut..that nasal high-pitched whine is making my ears ring...  
  
Group 2: Anakin, Athena,Amidala, and Chibiusa- Toyota Tacoma with dart cannon  
  
Anakin is driving, Athena is holding on for dear life, and Chibiusa is tied up in the bed of the truck. Apparently, we couldn't get Anakin without Amidala, so they count as one. Amidala is yakking on her cell phone. They are closer to Covington, which is full of traffic.  
  
Athena: ACK! Anakin, DON'T!  
  
Anakin: *has just veered around an eighteen- wheeler * What?  
  
Athena: Oh, God...  
  
Anakin: Man, this car is tight...hey, we've passed Covington, Athena, do ya want me to turn around?  
  
Athena: *tightens her seatbelt * uh..yeah...  
  
They are soon stuck at a red light, where Anakin proceeds to aim his patented Demented Creepy Lusty Leering Glare at the girl in the car next to them. Athena groans.  
  
Chibiusa: MPH!!! *rolls around frantically *  
  
Group 3: Delta, Luke Skywalker, and Sailor Moon- Armed hummer with big- ass tires  
  
Luke is driving and has decided not to whine tonight, Delta is hanging out the window with a flashlight and earmuffs on, and Sailor Moon is whining. Incessantly. They are driving on the long and incredibly dark section between the two towns, which is forested on both sides. They have also opted to drive without lights, as they are the only ones out on the road, are driving very slow, and have decided that the massive floodlights of the hummer might scare off their prey. No one is saying much, except for an occasional whine from Serena. They are just thinking about how eerie everything is when a shape darts across the road and into the trees. Delta fires a dart and misses.  
  
Luke: Quick, radio Vega! It's heading her way!  
  
Hunters with Vega: Vega Pleiades, commanding a team of 30 armed deer hunters, all in camoflauge. They are patrolling the forest in 6 groups of 4, with 6 on deer stands strategically placed throughout the forest. Vega's radio crackles, and she listens to Delta's message.  
  
Radio: *crackle * Vega, do you copy? We've got an unidentified object heading northeast through the forest and, well, our radar isn't picking it up, but it should be headed directly toward Frank!  
  
Vega: *into the walkie-talkie * Yeah, I'll alert him..thanks, Delta. Over and out.  
  
Radio: Over and out.  
  
Vega then radios Frank the Deer Hunter, who is placidly sitting up in his tree stand having a Bud and listening to the Volunteers game on his Walkman.  
  
(at Frank's post)  
  
Radio: Hey, Frank, we've got an unidentified object coming your way.get ready and radio Team Four with Harry...they're in your sector. Tell them to have their weapons at the ready. Over and out.  
  
Frank: Sure thang. Over 'n out.  
  
Frank then contacted Harry's group, who was trudging through the underbrush in their snake boots. All four cocked their modified dart- rifles and ducked behind some bushes. The first sighting of the night. 


	3. Chapter 2: In Which We Decide To Buy Sto...

Highway 51- Chapter 2  
  
Vega's Group- Frank's Post  
  
9:05 pm  
  
Frank the hunter was at the ready. He was an avid woodsman with a pretty high status in the huntsman hierarchy, though he'd been having bad luck for awhile. He was a little drunk, which probably didn't help, but had never hindered him in the past. He was poised on the edge of his tree stand, dart gun at the ready. All of a sudden, he saw his target. He sighed, then perked up. He switched from his dart gun to a high- powered deer rifle, and a shot rang out.  
  
Vega's Post Vega and the rest of her company of hunters heard the shot. Vega immediately radioed Frank to see what it was all about. "What the hell-" She screamed into her walkie- talkie, thinking Frank had gone psychotic and decided to KILL Legolas instead of merely tranqulizing him."An EIGHT point buck! This is great!" Frank rejoiced on the other end. Vega sighed and disconnected. All of a sudden, she caught a whiff of..violets? Yes. "Anyone else smell that?" Several hunters wrinkled their noses. "That's right," Vega confirmed. "Violets. The scent of his shampoo. He's been here all right." She pulled a bag out of her jacket pocket and began scattering objects around a nearby tree stand. "What's that?" yelled its occupant from fifteen feet above. Vega tossed the empty bag to the binocular- wielding hunter. "Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies?" "Yup. They're guaranteed to work. Say, who're you again?" The hunter pulled up his facemask. He was quite young, and a dead ringer for Tobey Maguire. "I'm Paul Parker. That gal over there is my sister Mary. My other bro's not into hunting." The man gestured toward a camo- clad female huntress who was inspecting something on the ground, dart gun slung over her shoulder. Vega narrowed her eyes. Peter, Paul, and Mary.oh, well. She'd ponder that one later. She walked over to where Mary was kneeling. "Look, Vega," said the slender hunter, taking a swig from her can of Bud, apparently obtained from Frank. "A footprint. Size six, in women's shoes." Vega knelt next to Mary. "So it is. A footprint. Hmmm..size six. Sounds about right.looks like Femme Boy forgot to cover his tracks. We're hot on the trail." She called to the rest of the milling- about hunters. "We're close, men! Move out, and someone light a lantern. Make sure it can't be seen from more than ten feet. And you, in the tree stand, stop eating the bait!" Paul was munching the Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies with a passion.  
  
9:30 pm- Athena's Group  
  
"Mar-EEEEEEE-aaaaaaaaa.." Anakin crooned, rather nonmusically. Athena groaned. She'd let him have the wheel, and he had somehow produced a mountain of CDs. She's though it was bad when he had the "Footloose" soundtrack, but Blondie was worse. Much worse. She cringed, because- oh no- he had a Cher CD. "Do you beLEEEEVE..." Athena swore under her breath. She rummaged in her backpack full of gear that all the Project Highway 51 Stakeout members had been issued, and pulled out a wad of cotton from the First Aid kit. She shoved it into her ears. Ahh, silence. Amidala had lost the cell phone and was apparently trying to look senatorly and stately in the backseat. It wasn't working. Chibiusa was pretending to be asleep, but had secretly used her fangs to chew through her bonds and was planning to escape into the woods.  
  
Jamie's Group  
  
Mercury was having an awful time. Jamie had begun flirting with Kenobi fifteen minutes ago, and hadn't stopped. It was driving her crazy. "Obi- Wan," She began in a tiny, wavering voice. "I, uh, I think we should be looking? You know, for that guy? I did some calculations.." she faltered. Obi- Wan looked up. "Ah, sorry. What were your calculations?" "Well, uh, the average time he appears is from eleven to twelve-thirty." "Wow, that's a biiiiig help," muttered Jamie sarcastically. Obi- Wan grinned. "It's a start." "And I thought she was supposed to be a genius.." Jamie was definitely not impressed. Mercury felt a tear roll slowly down her cheek, and began to calculate things.  
  
Delta's Group  
  
Serena had stopped whining, finally. Now she was ogling Luke. "Would you STOP that?!" screamed Delta. Luke nodded emphatically. After the deer false alarm, he was more than ready to quit. Delta was awful nice, but that Sailor Moon...her voice made his head hurt. He wondered if Obi- Wan was faring this bad, because he couldn't contact or sense hardly anything with the Force, because of the shrill nasal whine...Meanwhile, Delta was searching the trees for..what? She hadn't a clue. The radio crackled, and Vega's voice came over. "Vega to Delta, do you copy?" Delta picked up the radio and answered. "Loud and clear. Any news?" "Well, we saw some fresh signs around where you're at, about a half an hour ago, and we finally got in touch with Mercury and she did some calculating, and he's heading due northwest. So we're following. Do you pick up anything on the radar?" Delta checked the tiny radar screen set into the dashboard of the hummer. "Nope. Nothin' but two cars, and Athena and Jamie. We haven't heard from Athena in awhile, you might wanna check up on her. Damn, it's dark out here." Vega chuckled. "Yeah, here too. We got a call from Athena about three minutes ago, and there was nothing except for someone singing 'Believe', it was really weird." "What signs did you see?" "Well, we had a pretty good scent, and a footprint." "Was it violets, and size six?" "You got it. Over and out, Delta." "Over and out." 


	4. Chapter 3: In Which Someone Actually Lea...

Highway 51: Chapter 3- In which Athena learns something of significant importance  
  
10:00- Athena's Group  
  
Athena was driving. She and Amidala had found one of the low- dosage tranquilizers and promptly stabbed Anakin. He was in the backseat, snoring peacefully, and there was blessed, blessed silence. Other than the snoring. They were enjoying their peaceful, quiet ride, occasionally peering out into the low brush on the side of the road. All of a sudden, a scrabbling noise came from the bed. Athena's eyes widened. "Chibiusa!" Amidala gave a little scream and looked through the window into the bed of the truck, which held nothing but a pile of duct tape. She saw the small pink figure flee into the trees, and Athena promptly pulled over and dove into the underbrush. But Chibiusa was long gone. Amidala had a chilling thought. "What about..what about Vega's team? No one told that pink spore about Vega and her hunters, and if Chibiusa thinks they're the enemy.." She shuddered, and drew her finger across her throat. "Call her" she whispered as they returned to the truck.  
  
Vega, Who Is Somewhere In The Woods  
  
Vega's radio crackled, and she lifted it to her ear. Several hunters gathered round. "Athena to Vega, Athena to Vega, Do you copy?" Came the urgent voice. "Yeah," said Vega casually. "Vega, you need to be on FULL ALERT! We have a- a jailbreak. Chibiusa has escaped, and she doesn't know who you are. We told her to suck the life out of anyone who appears to be an enemy, and..I'm afraid you'll get saccharine-ified if one of your team makes the wrong move. QUICK! Send out the warning to the rest of your team." Vega felt a chill run down her spine. "O-okay," She whispered. "Over and out." Vega caught her breath and turned to Mary and a sharpshooter named Joe, who had become her seconds- in- command. "Quick, I need you to get a call out to all the team captains, pronto. Tell them to watch out for a pink-haired little girl, and to switch to their most powerful tranquilizers. Tell them not to wait for my permission to fire, and to fire and aim mercilessly. May their shots ring true." The two marksmen nodded and relayed the message to the rest of the teams of hunters, all through the woods. All through the woods, camouflaged heads nodded and dart guns were loaded, with powerful tranquilizers.  
  
Delta's Group- 10:15  
  
Luke was once again driving slowly and without lights. Several minutes ago, Delta had threatened to give Serena a black eye, which made Serena protest in that awful, awful voice that she was Sailor Moon and could beat Delta any day. Therefore, Delta had proceeded to whoop the living snot out of Serena, who was now lying quietly in back, holding her throbbing head. All of a sudden, Luke leaned further out the window. He sniffed twice, then brought the vehicle smoothly to a stop. "Violets!" He whispered. Delta grinned and donned her camo jacket, a large net, her dart rifle, and a bag of Milano cookies. Luke did likewise. They slipped out of the hummer and into the ditch, ever so quiet. The smell of violets got much stronger as they stepped into the woods, trying not to let the fallen branches crack underfoot. Delta hesitated to turn on the lantern, but a cloud passed over the moon and she reluctantly did. Luke scattered some cookies around haphazardly. "You know, wasn't there a horn or something that we could blow? To, you know, call him?" whispered Vega. Luke shook his head. "If there is, we haven't got it. But, maybe." He thought for a moment. "What would he want most of he were stranded in the woods, and was trying not to be seen?" Delta shrugged. "Dunno." "Okay, so what would YOU want?" Delta frowned, then brightened visibly. "Running water. And we might be able to lure him with the sweet smell of.." She rummaged in her oversized jacket pocket and pulled out a squashed plastic bottle. "Hand lotion! Smells like plumeria." Luke nodded, then squeezed the bottle so that a small puff of plumeria-scented air assaulted his nostrils. "Perfect, Delta, you're a genius! Here, I'll go get my CD player, and you puff the bottle around. Maybe put some on and walk around a little bit." Delta nodded, puzzled. CD player? Luke trudged rather loudly back to the truck and returned a minute later, with a CD and a Walkman with tiny speakers. "Voila!"She peered at the CD. "Sounds of the Ocean?" Luke grinned. "Yeah. Yoda said it helped him meditate, so I bought a copy." He popped the CD and a fresh battery into the CD player and cranked up the volume. The sound of shrieking seagulls filled the air, and Luke cringed. "Whoops." He forwarded to number three, and the sound of what could possibly be a brook or stream flooded Delta's ears. "Perfect!" They high-fived, and waited, weapons at the ready.  
  
Athena's Group, Who Are Now Driving- 10:32  
  
Amidala fidgeted restlessly. "We're running out of gas." It was the fifth time she said it since the little red light indicating they were on empty blinked on. Athena sighed, and pulled into a gas station. Inside, on a whim, she asked the clerk about the rumors of a strange young man living in the woods. "Yep," said the man, "Lady in the Bath & Body Works down the street said he came down there one night. Mighty handsome young fella, with long blonde hair. Said he reminded her of someone, can't rightly 'member his name. Said she had a nice conversation with him.What I think, is that the lady watches too many movies. Addles yer mind, ya know." Athena nodded and smiled, but inside she was rejoicing. They had a lead! She hopped back into the car. "Where to now?" asked Amidala. "Bath & Body Works," Athena didn't bother explaining to the puzzled senator.  
  
Jamie's Group, Who Are Relatively Useless  
  
Mercury was driving, and sweating, and mumbling to herself, and crying all at the same time. Why? Because she was afraid of getting caught by the police, and Obi- Wan and Jamie were snuggling in the backseat. Mercury let the tears fall, uncaring. She kept on inching slowly down the highway.  
  
Somewhere in the Woods  
  
Legolas, the stealthy dude that he was, slipped soundlessly through the forest. He had seen one of the teams of hunters and was heading in the opposite direction. Along the forest floor, he saw something strange. He bent down and picked it up. A cookie! Pepperidge Farm Milano, too, his favorite! He sniffed it delicately, and cast it to the ground. Laced with sedative. Damn. He was hungry, too. He moved on, wondering innocently what a laced cookie was doing in the woods. A piece of paper slipped from his pocket as he stepped elegantly and daintily over a pile of beer bottles, directly under the tree stand of a drunken, unconscious Frank. He didn't think to look up, and went on his little way towards the town of Covington.  
  
Delta's Group, Most Of Whom Are Camped Out Near the Side of the Road  
  
There isn't much to say about Delta and Luke, because they were sitting down, leaning against each other. Asleep. The sounds of the ocean (or a brook) played on, and the scent of plumeria wafted gently with the slight breeze that had begun to blow. All was silent but for the burbling of the imaginary stream. 


	5. Chapter 4: In Which We Are Joined By A F...

Highway 51- Chapter 4: Delta's Adventures in Dreamland..and then some  
  
Delta's Group: 11:55 pm  
  
Delta awoke with a start. She had been having a lovely dream about lemon pie..what? Where am I, she thought. And remembered quite abruptly. She was jerked back into full consciousness, letting lose a stream of obscenities that would make a sailor blush. Luke awoke to the sounds of a very angry Delta. "Wha...That damn CD! It put us to sleep!" Delta scowled. "Right, smart one. He could've walked right by us, and we were ASLEEP!!!" She sniffed the air. "He hasn't been here for a while. Pack up the stuff and let's move." She motioned for Luke to grab the CD player, stuck the hand lotion back into her pocket, and stalked back to the hummer, startling several happy furry woodland creatures.  
  
Athena's Group- Bath & Body Works  
  
Athena smiled at the lady behind the counter at the store, which was no longer called Bath & Body Works but The Body Shop. (A/N: This is supposed to mock the fact that those stores can't ever keep the same name) "Hello, ma'am, I'm just wondering if you can answer some questions." Athena gave a buisinesslike nod. She had left Amidala in the car and was fixing to interrogate Crazy LOTR Fan Lady. The old man in the gas station was right- this girl had seen a certain movie WAAAAAAY too many times. The counter was littered with posters and collectibles. Scented soap was displayed on a large, yellow, rather crooked styrofoam circle, presumably the Ring. Hmm. Athena took a moment to study the face of the girl behind the counter. She was no more than twenty, and had reddish hair and freckles with an upturned nose, and was quite tall. She was dressed rather oddly, in what could have been described as an elf costume, if one squinted a little. In her hands she held a tattered copy of "The Return of the King". Definite Legolas fangirl potential. Also definite psychopath potential. The girl narrowed her eyes. "What kind of questions?" Her voice was husky, as if she had just woken up. "About the happenings hereabouts." The girl's eyes lit up. "You mean..about the..SIGHTINGS?" Athena nodded, and the girl sat up quickly, and knocked over the burning incense next to her, scattering ashes on a portrait of an old man with a weird hat and a beard. Not caring, the girl chattered in a hushed voice. "Some people think I'm crazy, but they haven't seen him. He walked right in here, and I looked at him and I fainted." "And?" Athena was getting excited, never mind the sense of utter insanity about the girl. "When I woke up, he was standing over me, and his hand was on my forehead. I was lying over there, behind the candle display. Oh, my God, he was even hotter in person!" The girl's voice went up an octave and ended her sentence in a squeal. Athena fought back the urge to gag. "So, uh, what happened after that?" "He..he asked me.if I was all right...and.." The girl began to wheeze slightly. Apparently she had asthma, and it was triggered by excitement. She took a drag on her inhaler, and continued. "And I nearly passed out again. Except he caught me. And I said thank you. And then my manager walked in, and I asked him if he wanted to buy some of our 2-for-1 antibacterial hand sanitizer." Athena was taking notes on a yellow legal pad, and recording the girl at the same time. "And he kind of smiled, and shook his head no, and Maureen left.." The girl emitted a dreamy sigh. "And.I asked if he might stay awhile and keep me company, and he said he really shouldn't..." She took a breath. "And then I asked if I might draw his picture." Athena perked up. "You're an artist?" "Well, yeah, kind of. I go to the College of Art, in the city." Athena was sitting down, but inside she was cheering and jumping up and down. She had a sudden compulsion to write song parodies about pizza. "Do you have the pictures?" "Well, he said it would be best if I kept our meeting secret." Athena let out the breath she had been holding. Damn." But I snuck a few pics when he wasn't looking." Athena grinned. "He was sitting over there in that chair by the lotion, see, and I managed to get some sketches.." She whipped out a few pieces of reciept paper, on which was drawn perfect images of Legolas. Bingo. Athena had hit pay dirt. "Did he tell you where he was located at at the time?" "No. I wish he had. But anyway, as he was leaving, I did something really stupid. I walked up to him as he was leaving, right there by the door, see, and I...hugged him, and gave him a kiss on the lips, and I said something like 'May good fortune be with you,' and.." Athena was halfway between gagging, and laughing at the fangirl, and wanting to hear more. She did all three, and made a rather alarming choking noise. "I'm...okay...finish..story..please.." The girl nodded, and said, " And just as I was pulling away, he kind of smiled, and." She sighed, and appeared to be on the verge of tears. "And Maureen took.. She was standing over there, in the corner, and she..she took a picture! I could have ripped that Polaroid out of her hands and shoved it up her-" "A picture?! Can I see it?" The girl sighed, and kind of laughed. "You'll have to ask Maureen. This was only two weeks ago. Maybe she still has it. I kind of figured out that it would be awesome to put on the Internet, but I gave him my word." She trailed off. "My name's Galadriel O' Donnell, by the way. My friends call me Gigi." Athena smiled. Galadriel. How ironic. "Well, Gigi, you've been a big help. And I'd like to ask you if you're at all curious about why I'm asking these questions." "Well. Of course I'm curious." "Well, listen, you have to promise to not freak out. I'm part of a group called Project Highway Fifty- One. We're trying to prove the existence of a possible warp in the woods around the highway, or maybe in this town. I feel that you have gathered enough info to help us along." Gigi kind of stared. "Um..wow..cool! You won't hurt him, will you?" Athena glanced nervously at the way Gigi's eyes flared up when she said this. "Um, of course not. We just want to make sure he's, erm, okay, and see if he'll answer some questions and maybe, uh, you'll get to meet him.again?" Gigi returned to what was apparently the norm for her, looking less like a serial killer and more like a terminally insane girl with a giant Frodo poster behind her. Athena radioed Vega. "Vega! I've befriended a fangirl!" There was a pause. "WHAT?! Have you been eating those chocolates on the floor, Athena? Tell the truth." "No, no. See, this girl, Gigi's her name, and, er, she's-" Athena lowered her voice, but Gigi had gone back to her book and appeared to be oblivious of Athena's conversation. "She's probably crazy. She, well, she's the only absolutely confirmed sighting. I'm thinking of sending her into the woods with you, or maybe with Delta. This girl could make or break this deal, Vega." A sigh on the other end. "Okay, Athena, your call."  
  
Delta's Group- Midnight  
  
Delta pushed the button on the walkie- talkie. Athena had just radioed her. "Didja hear that, Luke? We're allied with a fangirl. And she's coming with us." Luke groaned. They had dropped Serena off at the bus station and were now headed toward Covington to pick up the fangirl. Jamie had radioed earlier to tell her that they had been pulled over and left the highway, opting instead to turn in at the Comfort Inn.  
  
Vega's Group  
  
"Hey! Hey, Frank!" Vega whispered to the sleeping Frank. She caught a whiff of violets. Damn! Frank had missed him. She selected a bottle from the pile of seven on the ground, and threw it at Frank, who woke, stood up, and fell fifteen feet to the ground. Ouch. "Ty, take Frank home in your ATV, okay? He needs to sleep it off." Vega glared at the retreating Frank, being half- dragged and mumbling to Ty. Vega looked down, and shook her head. Something white peeked out from under a leaf, and Vega pulled out a latex glove and a plastic bag. She picked the white slip of paper up between two fingers, and opened it gingerly before popping it into the bag. Through the clear plastic, she could see directions written in a fine, delicate script. "Huhmmmm.." she said thoughtfully. "What is it, Captain?" Mary had come up behind her. "well, this is definitely Femme Boy's, judging from the odor coming off it.hey, Marty!" Marty the hunter came up, his beagle Snoopy in tow. "Yeah? We tried the footprint site again, but Snoopy got thrown off at a stream. After that it just went for about a hundered feet into Covington. You found another spot?" Snoopy was their detective, an expertly trained sniffer. Vega grinned. "Yup." She held the scented paper out to Snoopy, who took a big whiff before scooting off into the underbrush, following the scent. Vega grinned again, then called to the hunters. "Move out, men! And women! We're following the hound!" 


	6. A Wonderful Fun Filled Chapter

Waste-of-time Disclaimer  
  
I don't own anything except my insanity. Well said, no? 


	7. Chapter 5: Chibiusa's Revenge, and A Han...

Chapter 5  
  
Delta's Group- 1:00 am  
  
Gigi was seated in the backseat, quite oblivious to the grumbling and exasperated sighing action going on up front. She had insisted upon wearing her 'costume', and bringing her entire Legolas bookmark collection. For the last half an hour, she had been talking excitedly about the precise origin of each one. "You're supposed to be looking," grumbled Delta. "Would you like to get out and walk?" Luke nodded enthusiastically, and slowed the hummer. Gigi shrugged. "Anything to see my pretty one home safely," she breathed. "Yeah, well, we're stopping to eat anyway. Well, unless you want to come with me. Into the woods. To see if there's any trails, and stuff." A devious plan was forming in Delta's mind. Take her deeeeeeep into the wooooooods, and leave her there. Duh. Why hadn't she thought of that before? "Sure!" said Gigi, taking the bait as they always do. "Okay, Luke, pull over in the darkest place you can find. I won't need the flashlight." Luke seemed to have caught on, for he slid the hummer up on the shoulder and grinned evilly. "Everybody out."  
  
Athena- Just Athena  
  
"Vega? Vega, do you copy?" Athena was radioing Vega, just to make sure no one had been saccharine fried or sucked dry or shot by a hunter. "Yeah, I'm here. Would you stop calling, me please? This is the second time in five minutes." "Yeah, well, I dropped Amidala off at the place where everyone else is staying, so I'm solo now." "Yay. Oh, by the way, how much Budweiser does it take to get an elf drunk? I mean, like, severely drunk." "WHAT?! Budweiser? Beer?" "Yeah, I figured. Hey, George, you got any of that tequila left?" Athena sighed and continued to drive up and down the long stretch of abandoned road.  
  
VEGA, with Tequila  
  
"What is it, boy?" Vega and her team were following the beagle, stopping every once in a while to set out drugged cookies, shotglasses of tequila, and sample packets of Herbal Esscenses laced with tranquilizers that would trigger when inhaled. A team of two hunters followed the path of bait, an hour behind, to keep furry woodland creatures away and to make sure the traps were set correctly. And also to call in case one of them actually worked. The hunters with Vega had been following for fifteen minutes when Snoopy the beagle gave a loud, baying wail. Vega quickly ran to see what had excited him. They were close to Frank's post, and a white scrap of paper was on the ground. It was identical to the last one, except the words were in a foreign tongue. "I need a translator!" All the hunters looked at her blankly. "Can anyone here read this?" The scrap of paper was passed around, and heads shook. Where were those blasted fangirls when you needed them? Vega transferred the paper to its own plastic baggie and began to think.  
  
Delta, 1:15 They had been traipsing through the woods for ten minutes. It was very dark, and luckily Delta had her trusty penlight and pocketknife to lead the way. Without letting Gigi see, she carved tiny gouges in the trees that only she would notice, so as to help her find her way back. "Oh, isn't it lovely?" said Gigi, looking quite floaty and rather frightening, her white dress billowing when not being stepped on. "Yep," Delta grinned. They were far enough into the woods now. "Look! Over there!" She pointed and tapped Gigi frantically on the shoulder. "Where?" Gigi whirled around, and Delta deftly snapped off the light, pretending it had gone out. "Damn! Go catch him, Gigi! It won't matter whether we have the light! He's right there! Go, Gigi!" Gigi took off blindly like a shot, into darkness. Delta could hear her crashing and occasionally running into trees, like a maniac chicken with its head cut off. Delta, smug as a cat with cream, flicked the light back on and started back, her footsteps silent on the carpet of fallen leaves. But somewhere she took a wrong turn, and ended up next to an unfamiliar tree and an unfamiliar brook and an unfamiliar honeysuckle vine twined around an unfamiliar birch. "Oh, no." She had stupidly forgotten the walkie- talkie. There was nothing left to do, her hours of studying for the Hunter's Safety Course burned in her skull, telling her to NOT MOVE WHEN LOST IN WOODS. She sighed again, and pulled on the hood of her cloak. She sank down under the honeysuckle vine, and waited. The aroma of the honeysuckle was very strong and perfumy, and she found herself getting drowsier..and drowsier.aaaaaaand.aaannn.aaaa.  
  
Vega  
  
An unnatural shriek rang through the forest. Harold sprinted up to Vega, orange cap flapping. "Max's been taken!" "Taken?" "Yeah! Taken! Oh, God help us." Harold motioned with his arm, apparently wanting Vega to follow. She did, and Harold led her to the back of the troop, where a few stragglers were huddled around a motionless body, presumably Max. Vega shouted at them, "Go back with the group! Stay together! Don't let anyone fall behind!" The hunters scurried to catch up. Vega and Harold knelt over the body, lying prone in the leaves. She flipped him over and checked his pulse. It was so slow.but he would live. She noticed a pinkish spot on his neck, where two small holes had been pierced. "Is Max a diabetic?" "Well, yeah, but he has his insulin and stuff in his pack." "Get him to a hospital. Here's the phone, call 911. His blood sugar's dangerously high." Harold dialed and spoke into the phone, and then hung up. "They're on their way. What.what was it that got him?" "Chibiusa. She injected him with her sugary venom. If you hadn't scared her off, she would have turned him into a wad of cotton candy." Harold paled. Vega was quite serious.  
  
Gigi  
  
"Delta? Deeeellllltaaaaaaa?" Gigi was panicked. She had run aimlessly around like a moron, only to lose herself in the dark. You idiot, she reprimanded herself, always got your head in the clouds. Going off and leaving Delta alone like that.and she hadn't even caught her lovely. Now Delta was probably being gored by some goblins or whatever it was that lived in these woods.and the monster, the Chibiusa that she had overheard the girl on the walkie-talkie talking about.it was out here too. Gigi hugged the nearest tree and began to cry.  
  
Athena, 1:30  
  
"WHAAAAAT?!" Athena was back on the radio, conversing with Vega yet again. "I told you. Luke says Gigi and Delta are missing, and Chibiusa's attacked someone. Nearly put the guy into a coma." Athena's blood ran cold. "Do you want me to come and help?" "No, someone has to patrol the roads. Stay where you are, we're fine. Just don't go out in the woods unless you have to. Tell Luke. Over and out." Athena sighed, as exasperated sighs tend to be a recurring theme, and replied, "Over and out."  
  
Delta  
  
When Delta awoke, she had no clue where she was, and her neck was killing her. Crouched under the honeysuckle, she was invisible to any passersby, and Gigi had actually crossed her but missed her and was wandering around. But Delta didn't know this. She kept her eyes closed for awhile after she awoke, trying to put things in order. The smell of honeysuckle had diminished, or perhaps she had gotten used to it. It was replaced with a different smell, that of burning wood and lilacs. And rain. Rain was in the air. There was the faint crackling sound of a fire.or was it the rain? Something soft brushed her cheek, and Delta closed her eyes tight, and tried not to scream. Timidly she opened them, and again had to resist the urge to scream. Because, right in front of her brown eyes, there was a pair of very blue eyes. Very unfamiliar blue eyes. 


End file.
